Giving It Up
It is official, I think, I have decided to stop using the electric breast pump. Until now (almost 6 months) I have been expressing breast milk for my daughter and feeding it to her with a bottle. I was told by a Cleft palate nurse and a lactation consultant that I wouldn't be able to exclusively breast feed Audrey. So around the clock every 2 hrs, I have sat with the breast pump for 10 min at a time and "Moo"ed. I never gave up though. I still nursed Audrey before I gave her the bottle of EBM (expressed breast milk) and whenever she wanted/wants comfort. She is now REALLY good at it. So much so that I'm going to try relying on her to tell me if she needs to be supplemented. This means I will nurse her and give her solids and wait for her to demand more. If she isn't satisfied... well then formula isn't poison! (Today is our first official test run, so far so good) I should weigh her a few times over the next week to make sure she's doing well.
Here is a window into the hellish time I have spent with "the pump". My friend Helen bought the breast pump 3 years ago when her son Eddie was unable to nurse (she was kind enough to lend me the $400 thing!). The worst part, for both of us I think, was/ is that people don't understand. It is far more complicated to pump. The time, the accessories, dragging the thing everywhere with you (trying to look casual while pumping and being discovered by a passerby) Sterilizing all the parts and bottles, not to mention that you're paranoid and stressed that your milk will run out... (breast pumps are not as good as a baby at stimulating production of milk) People see a bottle and they assume that it's formula! I don't think formula is "bad", or people are "bad" for using it. But when you're working this hard to "breast feed" your baby, you don't want people to assume otherwise! And by the way... My baby (and my friend Helen's child) are/ were BREAST FED!
Helen sent me this little excerpt by author Anne Lamott. It really sums up the lower points in my whole experience, in a somewhat crude but funny way. The book is called 'Operating Instructions' and is a journal on her son's first year of life. Aside from her trying to deal with colic by pondering on leaving her son outside for the night and calling it an experiment in natural selection, she has a few good rants on pumping. Funny enough, her son's name is Sam.
The rest of this entry may not be for all readers... (too much info for my brothers maybe)
"Have I mentioned how much I hate expressing milk? I do it nearly every day so that there will be bottles of milk on hand for whoever comes by to take care of Sam, but I hate the f****** breast pump. It's the ultimate bovine humiliation, and it hurts, the suction is so strong. You feel plugged into a medieval milking machine that turns your poor little gumdrop nipples into purple slugs with the texture of rhinoceros hide. You sit there furtively pumping away, producing nebbishly little sprays on the side of the pump bottle until you've finally got half a cup of milk and nipples six inches long. It's so incredibly unsexy and secretive, definitely not something you could every mention on 'Wheel of Fortune,' nothing you'd ever find in a Cosmo piece about ten ways to turn on your lover- crotchless underpants and a breast pump. I sit there in the kitchen miserably pumping away, feeling like Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby, pumping out a bottle of milk for the little infant Antichrist. Yesterday the refrigerator wasn't working, so after I produced a small bottle of breast milk, I had to store it in a wide-mouth thermos filled with ice, like it was a severed finder that I was about to rush to the hospital to have sewn back on. It was too ridiculous for words."
Helen pumped for 5 1/2 months... she is my hero and my inspiration... I've now made it to to 5 months and 22 days (I never would have thought I could) I realized I'm almost addicted to it... It's hard to stop. There's a bit of guilt... anyway I think it's time to let go. I'll let you know how it goes.
Here is a window into the hellish time I have spent with "the pump". My friend Helen bought the breast pump 3 years ago when her son Eddie was unable to nurse (she was kind enough to lend me the $400 thing!). The worst part, for both of us I think, was/ is that people don't understand. It is far more complicated to pump. The time, the accessories, dragging the thing everywhere with you (trying to look casual while pumping and being discovered by a passerby) Sterilizing all the parts and bottles, not to mention that you're paranoid and stressed that your milk will run out... (breast pumps are not as good as a baby at stimulating production of milk) People see a bottle and they assume that it's formula! I don't think formula is "bad", or people are "bad" for using it. But when you're working this hard to "breast feed" your baby, you don't want people to assume otherwise! And by the way... My baby (and my friend Helen's child) are/ were BREAST FED!
Helen sent me this little excerpt by author Anne Lamott. It really sums up the lower points in my whole experience, in a somewhat crude but funny way. The book is called 'Operating Instructions' and is a journal on her son's first year of life. Aside from her trying to deal with colic by pondering on leaving her son outside for the night and calling it an experiment in natural selection, she has a few good rants on pumping. Funny enough, her son's name is Sam.
The rest of this entry may not be for all readers... (too much info for my brothers maybe)
"Have I mentioned how much I hate expressing milk? I do it nearly every day so that there will be bottles of milk on hand for whoever comes by to take care of Sam, but I hate the f****** breast pump. It's the ultimate bovine humiliation, and it hurts, the suction is so strong. You feel plugged into a medieval milking machine that turns your poor little gumdrop nipples into purple slugs with the texture of rhinoceros hide. You sit there furtively pumping away, producing nebbishly little sprays on the side of the pump bottle until you've finally got half a cup of milk and nipples six inches long. It's so incredibly unsexy and secretive, definitely not something you could every mention on 'Wheel of Fortune,' nothing you'd ever find in a Cosmo piece about ten ways to turn on your lover- crotchless underpants and a breast pump. I sit there in the kitchen miserably pumping away, feeling like Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby, pumping out a bottle of milk for the little infant Antichrist. Yesterday the refrigerator wasn't working, so after I produced a small bottle of breast milk, I had to store it in a wide-mouth thermos filled with ice, like it was a severed finder that I was about to rush to the hospital to have sewn back on. It was too ridiculous for words."
Helen pumped for 5 1/2 months... she is my hero and my inspiration... I've now made it to to 5 months and 22 days (I never would have thought I could) I realized I'm almost addicted to it... It's hard to stop. There's a bit of guilt... anyway I think it's time to let go. I'll let you know how it goes.
3 Comments:
WOW! I had a breast pump and only used it like 3 times. IT IS TUFF! Your amazing :) It's so awesome the things mommie's and daddie's will do for their kids! Like go through the torture of pumping for almost 6 months!
I added your blog to my links I hope that's cool with you.
ah yes, to hell with the la leche nazis who say they are here to help, yet look down on you as you haul around the hydraulics needed to complete the bovine gymnastics so that your newborn can benefit from breastmilk. yes, formula isn't poison, BUT breastmilk IS better. to those interested, the big milestones in benefits of breastmilk happen at 2 weeks, 2 months, and then 6 months. after 6 months, it's nice, but the majority of the benefits have already come.
congrats to you ruth- i know it is not easy. the only plus about pumping for me was leaving a bottle in the fridge and being able to sleep through a feeding. also, since the hubby and other relatives can feed the baby with a bottle, it gives them a chance to bond that otherwise they wold not have had. i know that wes and eddie were able to bond more just because of this.
i think i was more pissed than you after a while, and to hell with those that i may have 'offended.' i pumped and tube fed eddie in front of our accountant as he did our taxes. i pumped in public washrooms, at the sink aisle. i refused to go into a bathroom stall to 'cook' for eddie. do other moms go in there to prepare food for, and then feed their kids? no. why should i? i graced many oncoming vehicles with images of the beauty of motherhood as i pumped while we travelled to the west coast when eddie was a few months old. it was a nice outlet in a way to shock them. i have to live this this, every 2 hours day in and day out for months. that was enough work. why should i take the time and effort to hide pumping as well?
i never really had an issue with milk supply (until i went on the pill that was supposed to be okay for nursing mothers, but i pruned up. went off of them, and a few beers later, milk supply was back on). when i was weaning myself off of the pump, it was hard, literally. i did play this game though to see what objects i could squirt from a distance.
thanks ruth, for sharing your thoughts and experiences on pumping. i think the more who do this the better. how horrible it is to go through the birth experience, be unable to breastfeed your child, and then have a social stigma placed upon you that your'e not really breastfeeding, and pumping is inadequate, and that transfers to being an inadequate mother.
Thank you all of you. I am affirmed. It feels good to get it out if my system.
Love you all!
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